If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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