we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize