my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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