My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
