Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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