how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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