He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
