No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
