I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
