Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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