I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
