I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
