I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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