morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
