This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
