if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
