I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you never un-have a 4some
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
