She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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