I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
