just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize