I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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