Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
