I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bring money and cleavage
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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