You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
