i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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