The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
