I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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