i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
