ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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