My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize