So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize