What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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