I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
