Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
