So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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