Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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