You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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