She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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