Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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