do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
