its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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