i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
