remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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