I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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