Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
