He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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