I cockslap morals
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
