Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
