We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
