drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
