tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
