I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't deserve a penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
