I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
