he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize