I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
