the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
