I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
