I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
