We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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