well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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