found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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