Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
