Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
