ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
