I cannot find my penis.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
