There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
