Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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