your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
